why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
