What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
