I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
