I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
