I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
