I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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