I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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