ugly people sure do ruin things
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
