Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
