Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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