happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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