The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
