I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
