How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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