you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you had me at cake vodka
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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