You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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