I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
