OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
