evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
