I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
