looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
