seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
