Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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