my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
