Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
