Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
