Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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