erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
