He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
