Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
