I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
