you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
