Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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