I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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