also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
