i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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