She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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