Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
