Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
