So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
