Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
