Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
