hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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