it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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