Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
