what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
