I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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