So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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