she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
