Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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