I smell stomach acid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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