her vagina looked like bernie madoff
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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