A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
