Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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